Sooooo angry

First off, I am not angry because something bad happened with the adoption travel, everything's fine there. I am angry at my disease, my nemesis, the guy that's always pulling me down as I'm fighting him to get back up. Well today score one for CPT2. For the past few weeks my left shoulder has been getting worse and worse. I have muscle atrophy and weakness in my upper body from CPT2, but most of my daily problems involve the nerve and muscle damage in my legs. So this shoulder pain was unexpected. On Dan's urging, I finally decided to see my doctor. Turns out I tore my [expletive] rotator cuff! [More expletives]. They have to see the films before deciding if it needs surgery or if a sling with months of physical therapy will be treatment enough. How am I going to hold Gianna? How will I get her in and out of the car seat or her crib? My right arm is my caning arm and now my left arm is in a sling. Not that holding a 20 lb toddler was going to be easy for me in the first place, but I at least wanted to be the first one to hold her at the orphanage. Now she'll have to settle for a handshake, I guess? I just want to be like the other moms. I spent the last two years working on my leg strength so that I could proudly walk into that orphanage without a cane...so this shoulder injury is really frustrating to say the least.

These are issues I have worked on with my disabilities counselor and physical therapist. People with disabilities still make wonderful parents! Kids are remarkably willing to make accommodations like Mommy can only hold you if you're sitting on her lap and Daddy will get you out of the car seat. So what if they hand her to Dan to hold instead of me at the orphanage [heart breaking]? Its just part of this messed up life...and it makes me angry.