Today I am really depressed, homesick for Bruno, pizza, and my couch...mostly for Bruno. Martin and Khanh sent me this pic that cheered me up, but then made me cry. My broken shoulder is killing me, I have traveler's diarrhea, and I've really been feeling like a third wheel this trip. A few doggie kisses would go a long way right about now :'-( Looking back at the trip photos, its 90% Dan and Gianna, 9% Vietnam landscape, and 1% Barb trying to fit in as part of this family. And its not for lack of cameras, since we have two. Gianna will still only go to Dan. Sometimes she hates me and throws things at me to get me to leave the room. Other times she tolerates my presence and lets me feed her because its the only way we will let her get food. There are a few good times like when she fed me the chocolates yesterday or when she grabbed my hand in the elevator today after a bunch of people piled in. But I just feel like its going to be a very long time before she will ever sit in my lap, give me a hug, or let me stay alone with her. 
This afternoon we visited the Ho Chi Minh mausoleum complex. The stilt house was nice, the rest of it felt like a real anti-Western tourist trap that you weren't supposed to photograph. There were about 6 people that told us in Vietnamese we shouldn't let our sleeping daughter's head nod to the side. Some of them were the soldier guards so I thought we were breaking some kind of law. One woman seemed to indicate it was because her head could get a brush burn from the stroller. So we put Dan's hat on her to avoid potential brush burn, then another woman came up and scolded us for having a hat on her. One of the other couples on the trip said they have got a lot of dirty looks they interpret as anti-Western adoption of Vietnamese children. So who knows, maybe that was what had people's panties all in a bunch. Then on the way back to the hotel we got ripped off by a taxi driver, not unexpected, but still annoying.
Tonight I just wanted to get on the next flight home and was sobbing, scrolling through pictures of Bruno to keep me from wanting to jump off the roof of the hotel. So we went to an American-friendly restaurant that was playing loud Beach Boys music for dinner. We had some questionable pizza, and I sang along loudly with the tunes, especially when they started playing my song: Barbara Ann. Gianna must think I'm bipolar, but maybe I am going a little crazy here. Take a look at the pics and you be the judge. Tomorrow is the visa interview, then Thursday, then BRUNO and home!!!!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Trip to Uncle Ho's
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Barbara, my 5 cents: fathers and daughters have a special relationship; daughters can do no wrong in the father's eyes -- and somehow, the girls sense that -- it comes naturally. Also, all kids have a natural tendency to pick favorites and play one parent against another -- that too somehow "just happens naturally". By the way, the "favorite" changes all the time too, so dont feel bad -- its just a matter of time before you are the favorite, and Dan gets kicked. I am also guessing that since Gianna's caretaker was a woman, Gianna might be leaning towards a father figure since it is something she totally didnt have before. Anyway, cheers and welcome to parenting! We all have moments when the evil kids get us all twisted in a knot! Alex from ISE
Oh Barbara . . . I can hear the pain in your (written) voice! It sounds like you're doing all the right things, just keep at it and Gianna will eventually come around! Everything must be so confusing for her, and she's taking out her confusion and grief on you. A therapist once told me, back when my step daughter and I were having so many difficulties, that I should view her anger and withdrawal from me almost as a blessing . . . that she felt "safe" enough with me (as in she knew I wouldn't leave her) that she could "vent" with me! It helped in theory, but in reality, it was still hard. Hang in there & just keep loving her. She'll get the message sooner than you think!!
Glad to know that the paperwork has been going smoothly for you in Viet Nam. I am sure Gianna just needs some time to realize that you are not going to leave her. The three of you make a beautiful family.
I am sorry that you are home sick. None of us blame you... even when I am on vacation for a few days I miss my routine back home, so of course you miss your "Western" lifestyle back in NJ! I am also sorry that you are getting anti-Western vibes from the people there. Some times I wonder if people in this world will ever get along... but there is hope! Taking Gianna into your home, loving her, and giving her a better life regardless of her background is a huge thing which shows people that we are really all the same. What would they prefer? That the "mean, rich" Americans did not help the children of their country? It just goes to show that no good need goes unpunished. Remember to take care of your self, too! Then get back to the good ole' U S of A, Bruno, and a Dr. to get your shoulder taken care of! ;)
Hang in there Barb. Once you are home, Dan goes back to work, and you two have some one-on-one time, you guys will figure each other out. I realize that it must be really frustrating but keep your chin up. Toddlers are fickle and they insist on doing things on their own terms. She will come around.
Post a Comment